So many of these books have been influenced by you lovely people.

Happy caturday! Ha. Always wanted to post one of these. #catsandbooks ...

The more I learn about trees the more I am in awe of their power and beauty. Our old oak tree is being chopped down tomorrow. And if you have been here for a while you know how much this hurts. We tried really hard to give it a fighting chance but alas I am nothing compared to the awe and might of Mother Nature and large scale disasters caused by corporate greed.

We had our arborist, a wonderful person named Peter, come look at it recently and he let us know that the tree was dehydrated. No matter how much we watered it, it was probably not enough. Altadena, once a gorgeous oasis of plants and trees sprouting from neighbors gardens is gone now. There is no water table. So even if I was watering it every week it’s a drop in the bucket of what was once there. Due to the devastation of the fire the tree is also weak. So even if it did survive there is a large chance it would have a hard time fighting off diseases in the future, such as red fungus, meaning it may only live another five years or so.

This is obviously not the outcome we wanted. Peter told us we should plant an Engelmann not knowing we already had in the front. Seeing how much that little tree has grown already gives me hope.

The Lost Trees of Willow Avenue does not shy away from where we find ourselves, but it did provide me with something like hope. My story is sadly not unique on this earth. I loved how Mike Tidwell took what was happening on his street and expanded it globally. This was a beautiful little book. And it found me at the right time. He ended each conversation with one question for the people in his community, what gives you hope? And for me. It is my community. I don’t know what lies ahead. But I do know I have people I can count on and they can count on me.

And so it goes. Where there is death. There is also life. Goodbye tree. I’ll miss your towering shade and the squirrels bounding across my roof to get to your branches. Thank you for everything.

#eatonfire #oaktree #liveoak #engelmannoak #trees #nonfictionbook #climatechange #bookstagram ...

I don’t know. Maybe there’s something to this midwestern life.

One thing I’m noticing is all the indie bookstores here pass the vibe check. Great selection of conscientious titles. Surprising me in this little town of 4,000. Black Forty Books is an absolute delight. They have a lovely mix of used and new books. The owners were so warm and welcoming. Despite the rain we’re finding moments of joy and solitude. We visited the Iona’s beach which is famous for its pink rocks. Never seen anything like it. Now if only my youngest would sleep consistently. lol. #minnesota #lakesuperior #duluth #twoharborsmn #summerbreak #midwest #indiebookstores #supportlocalindiebookstores ...

#summertime and we have traveled to visit family in Minnesota. Of course I made it to visit Birchbark Books. I’m trying to only buy books I have already read and would like to reread. I’m reading Headshot by Rita Bullwinkel and it’s definitely holding my attention. It has an interesting structure and different subject matter. I don’t think I’ve ever read a book about teenage girls who box. Altadena is never far from our thoughts though. And we still find ourselves on the phone every day trying to handle this or that and the other. But at least my kids are having a great time. #teacheronsummerbreak #headshotbook #summerreading #momonsummerbreak #minnesota #stpaul ...

After the last kid left and I walked up to our space in old town Pasadena I saw my principal and just lost it. My body released all the things I was holding inside of me. I am at once relieved. Sad. Ecstatic and scared. Because although this year is behind me, the road to recovery is long with no light in sight. Altadenans have lost so much and there is still so much uncertainty. A student who lost their home will not be coming back next year because the fire forced them to move far away. Her mother and I cried at pick up. We have lost so much. We have been through so much. It still feels so surreal.

I have never been more proud of myself than I am in this moment. Because although I lost so much I found the strength and will to come and be there at a time when my community needed me the most. And so I will return. And little do these fourth graders know that a surprise awaits them next year. As I will continue to be there for them as a fifth grade teacher.

The world is full of uncertainty but of one thing I am sure, my place in this fight is right here. In Altadena. I’m not going anywhere. At least I hope…. Bc although we find ourselves at an end of sorts it is also a time to imagine something new. Something better. Thanks bookstagram for all your support this year. This community has given me so much. May your summer be filled with resistance and strength. I am here. With you. In community. #iteachfifth #summerbreak #altadena #teacheronbreak ...

It is strange to have such deep feelings of gratitude and at the same time a boundless rage.

My kids laughter on the swings brings a smile that covers my face. My students and I sit at a table sharing funny stories about our families and our muffled laughter fills our tiny space in the corner of the office. I celebrate ten years of marriage and marvel at how much my partner and I have allowed each other to grow and change and yet we still walk the same path sharing the same values. We go on a family vacation and I take my eldest on the ocean at night and we see an octopus hiding in the sea grass. And yet. And yet…

I look around the classroom and know the number of students whose homes have burned, how many are displaced and I know deep in my belly what keeps their families up at night. I search for a hat I could’ve sworn I had and then remember I don’t have it. It is dust now. I drive past the Eaton Canyon mountains and my chest tightens. I sit in this new place that is at once home and not home. I get in my car and google tells me to go home and I refuse to change it because all I want to do is go fucking home.

It is so maddening to be in two worlds at once. To hold so many opposing emotions. There are days I just want to slip into the oblivion of it all and say enough. I’m done. I give up. But still. I put one foot in front of the other. Because I just can’t imagine any other way. If you’re having trouble doing that I don’t blame you. The world is a cruel place. And today I have no words of comfort. But we are both here. And right now that has to be enough. ...