I can’t stop thinking about this book. The experience was almost jarring. Every time Lovato turned over a stone to reveal a new truth, I could feel it lodge itself into my head, burrowing deeper and deeper each time this book made its way into my thoughts. When I was watching TV, reading America is Not the Heart, talking to my mom, this book would somehow just come up.

Lovato seeks to reframe the Salvadoran American narrative that was taken from them by the vapid news media and repugnant politicians. Lovato dismantles everything you thought you knew about MS-13. He dismantles everything you thought you knew about American Imperialism in El Salvador. Because sure, you know it’s bad. Of course you do, but just how bad? And you need to know, you have to know. Because it is your history too. This book is so aptly titled. I got it from the library, and I bought a copy for myself. I know I’m going to need it, on my shelf forever, reminding me to never forget.

Lovato has a stark message and reminder for us all, “Right now, regardless of who wins the elections, Salvadorans have a lesson to teach, not just about overcoming and resilience, but about revolution,” he says, with a warning. “We’re not going to ‘liberal’ or ‘progressive’ our way out of this one.” (LATimes) Let’s hope we listen. @laurathestudent thank you for championing this book here. I would’ve never picked it up if it weren’t for you. And thank you so much for letting me discuss it with you. And really just thank you for being you.

I’ve been sitting on reviewing this book for a while, wondering if I should even post about it. And then I realized that I started this account to document all the books I read because I loved the idea of having a visual tracker. I also feel like it’s important to share my own personal thoughts, even just so I can say it out loud.

This book was a brutal read. Julia Scheeres is no doubt a talent, bringing the settings of her childhood and adolescence to life in visceral ways that make you feel as though you are sitting in a corner bearing witness to it all, making it a really uncomfortable read. Between the brutality and racism her adopted Black brothers had to endure at the hands of their white, evangelical parents or the abuse they suffered through the “Jesus Camp” in the Carribean, it was pretty relentless. But it was the sexual assault she had to live through at hands of several different men that shook me the most.

They say 1 in 4 women has been assaulted, but I know it’s higher. Sexual assault exists on a gradient, and there are so many areas of gray when we talk about sexual assualt and consent. The passages where she describes the assault were so triggering for me because she describes it with surgical precision that made it seem out of body, a common survival tactic amongst survivors. And even as I write this now, I do it with some detachment, like that’s not me, I don’t know that, but I do. Many of us do. And when I was reading this book, I was really unprepared for it.

And I write this not wanting to take away from this book or be like “don’t read it.” She is astoundingly honest in telling the story of her and her brothers, it will never leave your mind. And there is so much love here, of course, because ultimately she is writing this for her brother David. Maybe if I had better content warnings going in the experience would have hit differently. But I brought my own personal lens into this, and it shaped my experience in a way I didn’t expect.