Look How Happy I’m Making You

“She didn’t want to keep sitting with him the way she used to, not expressing what she was thinking so strongly that it seemed like he had to know it. But she was old enough to recognize that wasn’t how things worked. People were their own individual planets, spinning in their own orbits, and to reach someone else you had to throw a meteor sometimes”

I figured being nine months pregnant was the perfect time to read this collection of short stories centering motherhood in some way. Some were about people really wanting children, others were about the decision to be childless, infertility or infant loss. I feel like one thing I loved about this collection is that the author captured longing so well, longing for a future that won’t happen or a past that whipped by too quickly.

There is this weird longing I have as a mother, a wistfulness. Sometimes it is a desire for more time. More sleep. More silent moments. But I also feel such intense joy and fear at the same time that is indescribable, and if I sit too long with it makes my heart feel swollen where I have to remind myself to breathe. Moments where I want time to slow down so you stay this age forever punctuated by feelings of eagerness to see who you become but also please just give me a moment of silence already and let me get through one conversation without interruption and for the love of god and all that is holy can you just eat one vegetable already?

Anyways, All that to say. I loved this book of short stories. Each story was short but the message concise. A lovely one.

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